Oh how I would love to fucking snap you in half still. There are literally no words to describe the sleazy bitch that you really are.

See, I’m a pretty forgiving person, not the kind to hold grudges even if you don’t apologize. But it’s been a little bit over a year and for some reason, I still have the same (if not more) resentment and anger towards you. I can’t say I hate you YET, but I feel like it’s getting there. You should feel honoured. You’re one of the very few whom I can openly without-a-doubt say that I hope to see you in hell soon.

Okay, so this is the second time I’ve ever talked about you but this time I’m stronger than last time.

I courteously invite you to go and fuck yourself. I’ve drawn to the conclusion that you disconnected me in your life due to a relapse of what happened in our grade 11 year. You couldn’t handle that I was so “self-absorbed” about my problems, especially how superficial they seemed. But believe me, being friends with you at first, was the most difficult thing ever. I’ve become the one nightmare I sought to become. But at the same time, I got so comfortable being friends with you that I thought it was okay to start consistently opening up to you.

But I guess I was wrong. Maybe you were a superficial friend. Someone I can’t fully be open up to and trust pain with. Being in our senior year, I’d understand distance. But age does not define maturity. The least I thought was you’d give the decency and respect to at least tell me what I was doing wrong because you of all people knew what happened to me in my grade 11 year. You knew what happened to me, and you just happened to be a relapse of it. I guess it was a relapse for both of us.

Anyway, best wishes to you, Abby. Good riddance, I guess, and I hope you have a good life.

You think my nasty side should stop towards you guys because you’re family, but continue being a total bitch to anyone who I (or especially you guys) dislike. Well, guess what? It’s my life, MY CHOICES. Therefore, if I choose to be kind to someone who has mistreated me, let me. Don’t tell me to forgive people I’m not ready to forgive yet. As for my “rude behaviour” in the household? No. That’s not something I picked up recently. This is me, finally exploding.

Good fucking day.

I could never look at you in a bad way. And a part of my heart will always belong to you. Maybe it’s because you were someone I didn’t intend to fall for. Someone I didn’t see coming at all. And even with walls built higher than before, you unintentionally stripped my protection away and showed me that it was okay to trust again.

Even if you are the cause of all this anguish and higher walls now, nothing can ever replace the hole that you left in my being. I’ll always refer to you as that guy. No matter how hard I tried to fight for, you’ll always be the one that got away.

Please, I am begging you to just put me out of my anguish and just leave me. The moment you talk to me, I will fall for you all over again, no matter how many mistakes you’ve made that have hurt me.

Your apology was hollow. You apologized for the sake of keeping the goodness in your name, so that no one can ever say a bad thing about you. But then I happened. Don’t worry, I could never look at you in a bad way, even if I tried. So your reputation is safe with me.

Our friendship will never go back to the way it was. And I was hoping that after the apology, we’ll become better than where we were before. But no. You said that maybe we’re meant to just move on. You can’t move on if you never had feelings in the first place. I’ve been trying to move on these past three months, and once I thought I was doing okay, you start to reel me back in. You can’t do that to me! You just can’t. It’s not fair that you know you’ll always have me by a string. It’s just not fair.

Wishing you all the best, with all my love.
Louise.

i like writing essays and stuff about my opinion and whatever but ugh sometimes it just really stresses me out and some people are just omg just use your brain. the amount of time you beg me to do your work for you, you could’ve finished your work already

I need to stop caring about people. I need people to stop caring about me too. It’s just easier that way.

I swear I’m content with loneliness. And yet, once in awhile, I can’t help but crave for an intimate connection with someone. I want to feel the heat of someone’s body pressed onto mine, his fingers lightly tracing the outline of my body. I want to feel that secure moment when he tightly holds me and his palm is against the small of my back, face-to-face, ready to kiss, but instead we just enjoy the embrace.

Maybe it’s just me, but I swear I’m content with being by myself.

The way he looks at her. She’s deep in the middle of appreciating a painting, or reading a book, or maybe even just fast asleep, and all he can think of is, “And that’s another reason why I love her.” That look. And I hope one day, I wish, someone will look at me in the way they would fall in love with the little things that I find boring or normal. One day, one day.

do you ever feel bad about constantly looking at the negatives in your life? i mean like, yeah i’m grateful with all the good things that have happened too but when there’s just a series of unfortunate events that happen so consistently like c’mon life give me a break i wanna be happy and away from all the bs

someone needs to visit me right now and make me feel better about my chemistry exam because i can’t tell if this breakdown is from stress about chem or stress about life in general and can i just ugh

it’s really difficult to be having a life with no in-betweens. i mean maybe it’s just me, but i feel like it’s either i have too many emotions or none at all. i either fear loneliness or fear being in a relationship. there are days when i just want to eat my heart out or just not eat at all. too much energy at night, no whatsoever during the day. i am torn between either murdering someone or just coitus and ugh

do you see my dilemma

You messaged me today.

I didn’t know what to do. I was stunned. My parents advised me to not reply because I wasn’t prepared for any emotional baggage you would’ve dropped. Against their wishes, I replied anyway. I don’t know why, I just did. Maybe I had hope in knowing that we could’ve gone back to the way we were, but let’s face it. What are the chances of “us” even happening? It’s never going to happen, it never did to begin with. Not then, not now, not ever (I’d blame you for that, but that’s not the point).

And now here I am hopelessly waiting you’d reply back despite the dry replies I’ve given you. I guess, well for me… I think that nothing will ever be the same until you apologize too.

Hope all is well.
Louise.

Listen here you little fucker, you’re one of the people who helped put me in a goddamn hospital last year. Go ahead, and call me out on playing the victim card, but really, let’s look at it. When I was paranoid and feeling low about a lot of shit, I went to you because I thought that’s what friends were for. And even when you planned outings in front of me and not invite me, I still apologized for getting upset and for you fuckers making me excluded. And last but definitely not least, how did you guys tell me off? That I deserved all those anonymous death threats I received. You called me an attention-whore and that I didn’t deserve any of our friends’ mercy.

And what do I hear nowadays? That whenever you hear my name, you get pissed off? Really? YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE GODDAMN RIGHT TO GET PISSED OFF, OKAY THERE, OKAY. There have been so many times where I wanted to snap your neck off, but at the end of those times, I always felt guilty because once upon a time you were my friend until you stabbed me in the back, front, and everywhere else. At school, at least I tried to be nice and greet you hello because there was never any closure. But my forgiveness for you has worn out.

I hope to see you some other time, in hell probably.

i really wanna go to the beach this summer and enjoy and stuff but at the same time i just want to curl in my bed into a big burrito of sadness because i hate my body. like, i have a big stomach, and i have so many scars on my legs and arms, and all the hair and no thigh gap, like i have nothing worthy to show off and just ugh

ya feel me