I know it’s been months again since we last talked, and I don’t know why I feel compelled to come to talk to you again, of all the times I could’ve before, and I guess I really wanted to tell you that I miss you. I thought things were resolved, but it wasn’t. I’m still hurt how you treated me, and how nothing was done about it. I’m still not okay. With this. With myself. for beating myself up because it really is my fault and I took it out on you because I felt bad for always taking the blame, and I wanted you to grow up and take the blame for everything when I really just brought it upon myself. And I keep saying sorry right now for forever and a day, but I know it’s not going to change anything because I’m not going to hold you back on being happy. Truth be told, I still try to check up on you, even if my parents tell me I deserve better friends than you. Truth be told, I still cry about this, about you, every night. And I guess I just really miss you. And maybe this space is good for us, but it hurts a lot.

So I guess until the right time comes for the both of us, I guess this is goodbye? I don’t know. I’ve never been good with these, because I really don’t want to and it really sucks, but I just need you to be happy, and I know school is stressful and I aplogize that this wall of texts adds on to that, but I just can’t deal with everything up in the air. If you’re not going to end things, at least for now, then I will. Let’s talk when the time’s right for you. Thomas Edison’s last words were, “It’s beautiful over there,” and even though “there” might or might not bring me back to you, what matters is that you’ll be there, and it’ll be beautiful.

Until then.

And after all that, you still left me hanging. Not a single reply back, nothing.

I guess this really is goodbye.

Even if it means that it’ll break my heart, your happiness is my priority. It always was. I’m keeping my promises to you true, no matter what happens. I told you that you’re happiness is what I care for the most. If you being happy means not being with me, then so be it. But if you can find happiness with me, then that would be nice. Then you and I would both be happy. That’d be nice. Making each other happy…

So I wonder … Can you find happiness when you’re with me?

I’m moving on; baby steps soon to be normal big girl steps. I wonder what would happen if I just wait patiently for you. I hate looking back like now, because I start over-thinking these things and it just makes me more confused. I love you that’s a fact, but there’s just something about you that keeps pulling me back, but I can’t. I’ve made my decision of moving on, and I will be committed to my decision. I can’t let a fickle mind constantly control me because my indecisive heart says so. Ugh, I wish life were just simpler, really. I wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t meet you, or never developed feelings for you.